


If I'd have known (I would of loved you better)

by BadBatch (Forever_Cynical)



Series: Flash Fiction Challenge [3]
Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, I couldn't kill her off, shes alive again, suicide mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 08:01:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25900093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Forever_Cynical/pseuds/BadBatch
Summary: Another, another flash fic.Continuation of Another day. A fix it of sorts.Yennefer mourns Tissaia and apologises to her, even if she can't hear her.Tissaia listens.
Relationships: Tissaia de Vries/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg
Series: Flash Fiction Challenge [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1879456
Comments: 7
Kudos: 38





	If I'd have known (I would of loved you better)

**Author's Note:**

> As if I could kill her off for reals.

She finds herself at Tissaia’s monument on the hills outside of Aretuza, where the Rectoress would often walk. It’s been a month since the woman had died. Yennefer hadn’t been able to get herself to come here. She’d spent most of her time getting drink with Sabrina in Taverns.

They’d both left Triss alone and Yennefer tries not to feel guilty about it. She couldn’t help but blame her. Couldn’t help but blame her for convincing her to follow Phil. Couldn’t help but be angry at her for breaking Sabrina’s heart.

Triss was always Tissaia’s favourite. Oh, how the mighty had fallen.

She kneels down at the marker in the ground that bares the Arch Mistresses’ name. Her fingers trace over the cool stone and she lets herself remember her. Let’s herself remember the woman’s small smile, her kind eyes whenever she wanted Yennefer to truly believe what she was saying.

She hears her voice at Sodden, the worry evident in it. She hears the way she would whisper Yennefer. Hears the way she had said it that night. The one night they had allowed herself. When Yennefer’s hand had found its way between the woman’s legs. When the woman had moaned and arched against her in such a deliciously sinful way.

_“Yennefer, please, don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t leave.”_

She had promised that she wouldn’t. She had prayed to every God she could think of that she wouldn’t run out on this woman. That she wouldn’t wake up, afraid, that she wouldn’t be a coward but she had run. She’d run the moment she’d woken, the taste of Tissaia’s cunt still on her lips.

Tissaia had never forgiven her and they hadn’t talked in years.

She had always been promising herself, just another day. Just one more day and she would go back. Then she had found it would be too late. Too late to go back and claim the woman she loved. Too late to apologise. So she was here now.

Apologising to a cold marble stone with the woman’s name on it.

Oh, how the mighty had fallen indeed.

“I’m not really sure where to start.” She places the lilac by the stone. “I bought you some lilac because even though you wouldn’t admit it, I know you liked how I smelt and I wanted a piece of me here with you because I failed so awfully at being here for you when you were alive.” Her voice cracks. “I want you to know how much I regret leaving that night, I want you to know how much I truly loved you and how that one night we spent together is and will always be my happiest memory of us.”

_“I don’t think I will ever love as deeply and as truly as I love you Yennefer, ever again, I give you my heart, I bare my soul to you, please do not break me, I fear I’ll never recover.”_

Tissaia’s voice echoes in her head and the ache in her chest grows more painful. She wonders if she had stayed, would they have grown old together, would she have been able to convince Triss that Phil wasn’t worth losing Sabrina over.

“If I had known, If I had known truly what the plan was, I would of tried to stop it, I would never have let them push you the way they did, I would never have let them use you, me, Sabrina, even Triss, I don’t think we truly knew what we were doing and I can’t help but believe that we killed you.” The tears fall freely now and her body wracks with sobs that she tries to prevent from escaping.

“I will never recover from this, I will never recover from losing you, from being too much of a coward to love you the way you deserved and I suppose my broken heart, my broken soul is my penance for what I have done to you but I wanted you to know, that I loved you, that I truly loved you and I am forever sorry that I couldn’t be the mage you wanted to be.”

She lets herself sob now. She lets herself mourn the future she thought she could have, lets herself mourn the beautiful woman in the emerald dress. Hours seem to pass before she’s finally able to stop. She wipes her eyes as a hand grasps her shoulder.

She’s ready for a fight. She turns, ready to throw all of her magic at the person who dares to disturb her mourning, to meet familiar blue eyes.

“Impossible.” She mutters. She’d seen the memories. Seen the blood.

“Oh Yennefer, you really do underestimate me, at times.” Tissaia smiled down at her. “I enjoyed your dramatic speech, it was very nice, though I must ask, was it all just pretty words to make a ghost feel loved?”

“Never, I spoke the truth from the heart you think I don’t have.” Yennefer said, as she stood, swallowing and looking into the eyes of the woman she thought dead.

“Well, come along then.” Tissaia offered her hand. “We have some making up to do before we find Sabrina..and then Triss.”

Yennefer smiled as she watched the woman open a portal.

She thanked the gods, for the future days they had granted her.


End file.
